Not Stirred
by GreatHeartRapture
Summary: Withnail was a bastard, end of. Warning: Contains heavy slash, M/W.


Title: Not stirred.

Rating: Er, I'm not sure how american ratings work, so I'll give you a warning, and like, if people could comment, telling me what rating it would be, that would be awesome. Cause next time - yes there will be more! - I will then be able to rate it XD

Pairing: Withnail/Marwood

Warning: Buttsex! 8D First time buttsex too. :3 Can't have Withnail in anything without a language warning, so there we go, there is one XD That's... pretty much it. Strong sexual content. :)

(I had to especially check the time zone of James Bond and Withnail & I. It fits thank god lol.)

"Come on, pub's opening soon and I want to get a good few pints before the wankers get a chance to fuck up the jukebox again so it only plays shit music. Well, not that it doesn't.. but let's just on, get up you scrawny bastard."

Marwood sighed. He knew very well what 'a few good pints' meant. It meant that yet again they were going to get pissed and he would be the one that was left just sober enough to drag Withnail home and haul him into bed.

"Fuck you." Marwood said simply. "Fuck you, calling me scrawny. Look at yourself you wanker." Marwood laughed inwardly at this.

"Oh ha ha, right little joker you are you little shit. Now get the fuck up, and let's go!" He was starting to get irritable, and Marwood sighed again. He knew he might as well get up now, despite the hangover from yesterday's escapade, and stop resisting, as Withnail was sure to give him hell and make them go anyway.  
"Is there any aspirin?" Marwood asked, wincing as he rose to his feet. Withnail sneered at him.

"You fucking pansy. You'll be fine after a few drinks." He strode over to where Marwood was standing, and grabbed his arm.

Everything froze.

Marwood was sure the world had stopped turning. It's not as though Withnail had never touched his arm like this, but everything stopped. His heart, for one, had stopped for a few beats, then started thumping painfully hard. How could Withnail just stand there, looking at him blankly, when Marwood's chest was about to burst?

They were uncommonly close; Marwood was pretty damn sure Withnail and he had never been this close together. It took a while for Marwood to realise that one of Withnail's hands was on his waist, and when he did, he surprised himself by letting himself be held. It also appeared that Withnail had pulled him closer, which had gone unnoticed until now.

Marwood had no clue how to react, so he simply looked up at Withnail's face. The expression had changed from blank to uncertain, as though he was unsure of his own actions. The eyes, too, had changed. They were looking directly at Marwood's lips.

He noticed this, and a faint pink tinge tickled his cheeks, and his lips parted slightly, as if asking a silent question. Withnail's face inched closer. It was a few seconds before Marwood regained his ability to speak.

"W-Withnail..." He stuttered, unable to take his gaze off those penetrating eyes. He gulped, then tried again. "Withnail... I.. you're..." He gently put his hand atop the one on his waist, and this seemed to startle its owner into movement. The hand jerked away, causing Marwood to flinch in surprise. They took one look at each other, then turned away in unison, both too embarrassed to speak.

Wordlessly, Withnail lunged for his coat and quickly slipped out of the apartment door. Marwood didn't need to be told to follow. But before he closed the door, listening to Withnail's hurried footsteps on the stairs, he smiled. He liked what had happened in there. He knew it was a fluke, but he still enjoyed it. He knew Withnail was a heartless bastard through and through, but some part of him hoped... maybe... No. It was a waste of time thinking like that. Withnail was a bastard. End of.

There were quite a few standard wankers at the pub despite it being 11:30 in the morning, but then again, these were people who got drunk as a living, so it wasn't a huge shock. Withnail bought his usual round of drinks before asking Marwood what he wanted. He didn't answer; he was too busy thinking about what happened earlier. "Oi, bastard, whatcha want?" Withnail poked Marwood quite forcefully in the shoulder, which caused him to be brought out of his stupor.  
"Whaa..? Oh, yeah, er, I don't know. A martini."

"You. Fucking. Girl."

"I'm not a fucking girl you arsehole!" Marwood said indignantly. "Besides, James Bond drinks martini's, and he's one amazing fucker."

"Who the fuck is James Bond?"

Marwood sighed. Once again Withnail displayed a complete lack of knowledge in anything apart from drinking and acting, the latter of which, Marwood thought to himself with glee, he had not much of. Well, he knew Withnail did really, he just liked to take the piss out of him.

"You don't know James Bond. What the bloody hell..." He muttered rolling his eyes, as Withnail bought his request. "You know? 007? Agent? Usually has a martini, 'shaken, not stirred.'" Marwood smiled. Withnail frowned. Marwood tutted.

After a few seconds, Withnail spoke up. "Marwood. Your girly 'James Bond' drink is here. Fucking down it, I'm not going to be pissed alone you know."

Yet again Marwood rolled his eyes - a regular action when you spend your time with Withnail - and did as he was told. He'd never had a martini before, it just popped to his mind and he blurted it out, but it was surprisingly good.

"That shit is expensive. You're having nothing but cider. Or ale. Whatever, just fucking drink! It's the best way to get rid of a hangover. Chin-chin." He drank deeply from his cider, and Marwood sighed, buying an ale as he was commanded.

"For you, maybe."

It was close to around 12:30 in the morning when Withnail collapsed on the way back home from the pub. This was a new record for him, Marwood recalled. Last time he barely made it out the door.

After about half an hour of hauling Withnail home, up the stairs and next to the apartment door, Marwood halted, catching his breath. The skinny bugger was fucking heavy. He opened the door, and dragged Withnail inside. Realising he didn't have the strength to put his companion to bed, he dumped him on the sofa, sitting down and putting Withnail's feet on his lap; not minding that they were damp from the streets.

Marwood just sat there thinking, occasionally hearing a mumble or noticing a movement from Withnail, one time caused by him getting up and getting his journal. After about 15 minutes - Marwood judged - of writing about today's events, he caught one of Withnail's murmurs, which he simply could not ignore.

"M..marrrwooooooddd..." The slurred word made Marwood look over at Withnail, hardly daring to believe it.

"Marrrwooodd, Iiii l-liiikeeee youuuuuu..."

Marwood's heart skipped a beat. What the fuck..? God that wanker was hard to read. Smiling breifly to himself, he decided that he would have a play with the unconcious Withnail, just to see what would happen. Straightening Withnail out, he slowly crawled on top of him, stopping so that he was sitting at Withnail's crotch. He let out a little sigh; feeling Withnail against him was somewhat fantastic.

Withnail groaned, his leg twitching, as he pushed his hips up slightly, causing Marwood to gasp in shock and sudden pleasure.

"Marrwooooddd..." Said person grinned to himself.

"Marwoooodd... l... let me... fuck youuu..." Marwood jumped so violently that he fell off his perch, causing Withnail to sit bolt upright, then clutch his head in pain.

"Arghh... you wanker Marwood! " Marwood didn't answer. He was still immobilised by shock.

Withnail paced the room, yanking a cigarette out of his coat pocket and lighting it, taking a long drag, before rounding on Marwood.

"You fucker! I could've gone another few hours without having the pain of a hangover but no! Oh no, fucking Marwood the fucking prick had to fucking wake me up! ...What?" He looked at Marwood confused. "What the fuck's up with you?" Marwood was still sitting there, staring into space, a look of blank shock still plastered across his face. Withnail lowered his face to get a look at Marwood's.

"Hello? Earth to fucking Marwood!" Marwood started, standing suddenly upright - to which Withnail recoiled - and looking up at Withnail with his mouth partway open. He thought he could see a twitch of a smile on Withnail's face, but he was still out of it, so he doubted it.

"Withnail..." He couldn't help but snicker and grin, and had a sneaking suspicion that he was still a little tipsy. "You want to fuck me."

The cigarette dropped from Withnail's mouth.

"What. The fuck. Are you on Marwood." He just stood there, looking at Marwood open mouthed.

"I said..," Began Marwood, smiling seductively and inching over to Withnail. ".. You want to fuck me. Admit it."

"Have you gone insane man?! Of course I don't want to fuck you! Fucking arsehole like you, no way, no how!"

"Psh. Like you're one to call me arsehole you hypocrite." Despite his irritated tone, Marwood was still smiling in that alluring manner, now standing right in front of Withnail. "Well? Go on. Fuck me. I want you to." He reached out, and wasn't surprised to see Withnail recoil.

"You're a fucking ponce! Oh god, if only I knew that--!" He never got to finish his sentence, for Marwood had thrown his arms around Withnail's neck, and was kissing him passionately; Withnail was taken aback, and fell backwards to the wall. He was trying fruitlessly to pry Marwood from him, but he clung on, with strength he never thought his small, slightly feminine companion didn't have.

But oh, the way Marwood was kissing him.. Those lips were soft as silk, those hands were clinging on so desperately, the kiss so passionate, yet so sweet and gentle, which eventually caused Withnail to yield to him and starting kissing him back, and wrap his long arms around Marwood's little waist. He felt the fucker grin against his mouth, and decided that this would not do. He turned them around abruptly, smashing Marwood against the wall and breaking their kiss.

Marwood looked up at him, shocked and slightly scared, as his arms were pinned above his head, and his hips were being ground into by Withnail's. That look was so fucking adorable, and it was all Withnail could do to stop himself from smashing their lips together again.

"Now listen to me you fucker," He said in a demanding tone. "You think you can be in control here? No. I don't think so."

"But--"

"Hush! You want me to fuck you, yes?"

Marwood nodded.

"That was rhetorical you idiotic bugger." Marwood looked away, blushing slightly, looking even more cute than before, causing Withnail to give him a rewarding rub, at which Marwood cried out pleasingly.

He could swear he could feel a little shiver. Did he do that..? Withnail grinned. God, I must be good he thought to himself.

While he was busy with this thought, he didn't realise that Marwood had started fumbling with his trousers. With one quick movement, Withnail grabbed his wrist.

How can he do this to me..? Marwood thought, once again feeling that shock of time stopping. How can this fucking bastard make me so fucking horny.. make me feel like this when he just touches me... the arsehole! I hate him! Damn him!

"God, you're one horny little bugger aren't you..?" Sneered Withnail, as though he could see right through Marwood into his pestered mind. "But you can't just take and have, what do you have to do...?" The grin grew wider.

Oh HELL no. Fuck no! No way am I going to beg for him! The bastard didn't deserve it!

"Come on Marwood, sensible chap like you. All you have to do it ask me and I'll give you what you want."

Arsehole! No! Never!

"Just one little inquiry.. Ask and you will receive..."

No! Not going to happen!

"Just."

No!

"Ask."

Fuck you!

"Me."

"Alright, alright!" The words tumbled out of Marwood's mouth before he could stop himself. Damn that wanker. Then again he should've known better. Withnail always gets his way in the end.

"There now, you see? It's not that hard.." That smug grin was driving Marwood up the fucking wall.

"You bugger! You arsehole! Damn you making me feel--" He silenced himself. He wasn't going to give Withnail any more satisfaction, not that he needed it. He was pretty much pleased with himself whatever he did. He looked up to see Withnail's expression softened slightly, with a faint hint of shock.

"Please.." Marwood began sincerely, smiling at Withnail's face. "Please... Withnail.." He looked up at his captor pleadingly.

"Fuck me."

Damn him being so fucking adorable! Withnail brought back the grin and let go of Marwood's hand.

Marwood rolled his eyes before continuing his mission. After several fumbling attempts of trying to undo Withnail's belt to no avail - at which Withnail was amused - he eventually settled with undoing his fly and pulling his pleasingly erect length out of those hideous underpants he wore. He waited. Withnail raised his eyebrows.

"Well..?"

That wanker. Making me do all the fucking work. Marwood sighed, and lowered his trousers - which were thankfully belt-free - as well as his own undergarments. Again he waited. Withnail did nothing.

Goddamn it.

"L-let me go.. so I can.. you know.. so we..." This was so damn embarrassing. Stupid feelings. Stupid Withnail. To his surprise, Withnail obliged, and went to go sit on the sofa he was previously on.

"Come on then," He beckoned with his finger to Marwood's annoyance. "Get on." His grin was so wide Marwood thought it would go round his whole head.

"Wh.. what?! Hell no! I.. I'm not going to.. to ride you..!" Marwood looked away, utterly ashamed. Fucking Withnail!

But he could ignore the powerful urge he had to have Withnail inside him, so he gingerly made his way over to him. He bit his lip. Now that it came to it, he was fucking scared. It was going to hurt, a lot, and he didn't think he was prepared for it. But he doubted Withnail would ever give him this oppertunity again, so he continued over, and hovered over Withnail's lap.

"Well go on then. A second ago you were anxious as fuck to get in my pants. Don't hold out on me now.." That smug smile was almost too much for Marwood to bear. He slowly lowered himself onto Withnail. The wail of pain that erupted from his mouth reverberated off the walls, increasing his already heightened embarrassment. It took him a while to get used to this intruding object inside him, and to his astonishment, Withnail didn't take advantage of the situation to make fun of him. Instead, when Marwood looked down at his face, his eyes were closed and his breathing fast.

After a few more seconds, looking away and blushing so much he felt his cheeks were going to melt, Marwood began to slowly move himself up and down. He gasped and shivered and grunted and moaned. The pain was almost unbearable, but the hint of pleasure he felt when Withnail's cock hit his sweet spot was enough to keep him going. There was also the fact that Withnail had started to thrust gently upwards to meet Marwood's movements, and had wrapped his arms around Marwood's waist that gave Marwood the ability to keep going.

While he moaned and writhed, clutching to Withnail's coat with one hand and his hair with the other, the part of his brain which was not taken up with ecstasy - which was a miniscule amount - he thought that Withnail was being strangely gentle with him. He thought he would be thrusting ruthlessly by now, seeking nothing but his own pleasure, but he wasn't. He was waiting. This made Marwood smile, and start rising and falling a little faster on Withnail's hot manhood.

It felt so fucking amazing. By now both men were crying out, clutching at eachother desperately, both moving in time towards eachother, even calling each other's name.

"Ngh ungh.. M-Marwood!" Withnail called out the name of the one who was riding him so perfectly, the one who felt so fucking tight and hot on him, earning an even faster pace from Marwood.

"Mmn ahh...! Withnail..!" cried Marwood sweetly.

Oh, that was fucking adorable... - oh god! I'm g-going to--! Withnail's thoughts were interrupted by the overwhelming beginnings of climax, and he gripped Marwood's cock and started pumping it hard, at which Marwood moaned loudly, and looked down at his face. The look of escasty on his little face was enough to send Withnail over the edge, groaning and gasping, using his other hand to push Marwood down faster and further, at which Marwood squealed girlishly, and spurted his load all over their stomachs and Withnail's hand.

Both gasping and breathing hard at their recent orgasm, Marwood collapsed forward onto Withnail's chest, shivering slightly and still gripping tightly to the latter's coat. Withnail hesitantly wrapped his arms around Marwood holding him close, and breathing in his scent. God he smelled so good...

The minutes passed in silence which was broken by a small noise coming from Marwood, which was muffled by Withnail's coat.

"What was that..?"

Marwood moved his head to the side.

"I love you." Withnail jumped, causing Marwood to groan outwardly in pain.

"Sorry..."

Marwood winced. He knew all too well that Withnail wouldn't love him back, that it was just a fuck to him, but he still felt the terrible sensation of having his inards ripped out. He brought his head up and kissed Withnail gently on the lips which was returned. Withnail felt the tears wiping off onto his cheeks making them wet, and he pulled away from the kiss.

"Marwood..? Wh..?" Marwood just smiled and shushed him, tears still pouring freely from his eyes before leaning forward and resting his head on Withnail's chest.

After a few minutes of this, Marwood started to slowly stand up, wincing and groaning in agony, and eventually stood, pulling up his trousers. He clutched his back.  
"Ouch. This hurts like a fucker.. Now can I have aspirin?" He said it to the floor. Both were too embarrassed to look each other in the eye.

"Yeah.. there's a couple over there.." Withnail waved generally at a chest of draws, which Marwood rumaged through, hissing constantly with the pain. After Withnail had zipped his fly back up he opened a new pack of smokes from his coat pocket and lit it, taking a long drag from it, staring at the floor in thought.

Marwood took a quick glance and rolled his eyes. Typical. He took the aspirin, and, still looking at the floor, informed Withnail that he was going to have a bath.

"Maybe it'll help with the pain."

It was about 5:00 in the morning before Marwood managed to get to bed, the aspirin not helping in the slightest; he still gasped and gripped his back frequently.

He had told himself forcefully that he wasn't going to cry, but that didn't stop silent tears pouring down his face. He knew Withnail was a fucker. He knew it would just be a one off fuck. He knew Withnail wouldn't love him. So how come his heart was breaking?

He heard the door to his bedroom creak. He shut his eyes instantly, pretending to be asleep as he heard the sound of moving fabric, felt the bed sink next to him beneath the weight. Withnail whispered into the dark.  
"Marwood? Marwood, are you awake?" Marwood didn't answer.

Withnail sighed in what sounded like relief, and scooched up to where Marwood was lying. He wrapped his arm around Marwood's waist and cuddled him close, and it was all Marwood could do to stop himself turning round and hugging him back.

"I didn't say it earlier because I knew a fucker like you would never let me live it down... but..."

Marwood felt a pleasant shock surge through him. Could it be...?

"I love you too."

iEnd./i

Phew! Well that was bracing. Sorry if it seems a little muddled and grammatically incorrect, I'm a little rusty at porn lol, I haven't written it in a while. Anywayy, I hope you enjoyed.

Yeah, this took a few days to write, so you can crit, just be gentle with me lol.


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